To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
