my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
