Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
