you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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