She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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