My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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