Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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