he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
