I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
