I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He shit in the fireplace
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