Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
