I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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