3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
