My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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