guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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