That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
