I hate all girls vehemently.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
