The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
