I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
