Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
