U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize