U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I smell like Dick and happiness
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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