This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
