last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
