I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
