When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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