I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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