Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
