found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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