I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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