So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
