she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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