Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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