he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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