I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
