I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
