Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
