I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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