so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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