i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
