there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize