only if we run a train.
done.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
