you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
