Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Houston, we have a blender
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
