Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
