grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
