used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
