Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
