I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
