How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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