I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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