For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize