You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
