Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
