All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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