I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
