I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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