When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
