Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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