You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
