Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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