Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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