So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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