I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
