one might say we're banned from that church
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
BRING THE BAGELS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize