youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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