well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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