cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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