Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We need a shit load of segways right now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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