The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
