I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
