I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
