I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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