We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize