Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
