That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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