Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
