I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize