Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
