i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
