Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
