im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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