drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
