Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
