She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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