So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
