Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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