if i can run in heels then i can drive
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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