why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
