looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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