I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
