I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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