I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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