I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's never too late to be topless.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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