True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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