He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
