I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
