I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
