Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
