Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize