i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize