I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
