well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
