having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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