We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
