How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
